


Whatever I Want

by sarcastic_ace_artist



Series: The Play [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Crying, M/M, Mutual Pining, The Play, but with Michael instead of Christine, slow burn(?)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2019-10-16 10:11:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17547707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcastic_ace_artist/pseuds/sarcastic_ace_artist
Summary: Jeremy's feelings for Michael are like the sun, warm and bringing light to his life. After all this time, he realizes he's in love with Michael Mell.It's too bad that he comes to this conclusion during the school play





	1. That is not Michael

**Author's Note:**

> An attempt in which I try to write good.
> 
> (Spoiler alert: I don't)
> 
> (This is not beta read)

Jeremy grit his teeth, straining to lift his arms so he could consume the remaining drops of Mountain Dew Red.

He was faintly aware of the audience watching intently, as if the plot to the actual story was just beginning to unfold.

They were soaking it up, which Jeremy admittedly found hilarious, underneath all the terror and panic he was feeling at that very moment.

_The goddamn Squip was doing this! Like it had done when he was trying to apologize to Michael!_

… Where exactly _was_ Michael anyways?

The last time Jeremy had seen him, he was being held back by the students, and he thought he saw Jenna Rolan carrying the beaker towards the crowd.

He definitely remembered a cry of pain a little while after. It was so loud.

Jeremy desperately hoped that they hadn't gotten Michael.

_Maybe he just broke free and accidentally hurt one of the students! Michael's strong, it's a possibility!_

If anything, Michael was the one who should get out of the entire thing without being squipped.

Jeremy begged whatever god was out there that his friend would be safe.

But for now, he was more focused on being able to drink the stupid beverage! If only his arms would cooperate and allow him to lift it up!

 _“You don't want to drink that Jeremy.”_ The Squip taunted, a smile growing on its face.

“Why not?” Jeremy snarled. “Is it because—”

 _“Because you'll never be…”_ The Squip gestured towards the crowd of students that suddenly parted, revealing…

Jeremy looked up. His breath caught in his throat. That… that was…

_No… It... That's not possible._

_“With him!”_

Michael stood there, a soft smile on his face, different from what Jeremy saw on Halloween, when they had their fight.

Back then, Michael had glared at him in anger. Jeremy hadn't been listening and Michael kept getting more agitated. They stayed like that until Jeremy's temper had been too much and had snapped at him, calling him a “loser”. Guilt racked his body then and there.

He had _hurt_ Michael.

And Michael had looked at him with so much sadness.

But now…

Michael was looking at him like Jeremy had hung up the stars for him. Like he was the only one who ever mattered in life. Like he really, _truly_ loved Jeremy.

“You are the person I want to be with everyday.” Michael sang quietly.

The audience had gone quiet. Jeremy wished they hadn't. He wanted everything drowned out so he could be alone in his thoughts.

“And this is something that I’ve been afraid to say.” Michael's hand was caressing his cheek now.

Blood rushed to his face. Jeremy was sure that he looked similar to a tomato right now. Why was he blushing? Didn't he have a crush on Christine? He shouldn't be acting this way, even though he felt all warm and fuzzy inside and it was like his heart was going to burst with… Oh. _Oh. Oh no._

Jeremy swallowed. “That… that is not Michael.”

The Squip glitched into existence. _“Oh I can assure you that it is! His fears and insecurities about everything have been removed!” A sinister grin spread across it's features. “Still wondering about Christine?”_

Jeremy wordlessly nodded, his gaze focused on Michael. _God he looked amazing… and that smile._

Jeremy wanted Michael to smile like that everyday for him. Like he was the light of Michael's life. The plastic of the Mountain Dew Red bottle felt foreign. Jeremy only knew Michael.

_“… infatuation rather than actual attraction Jeremy. Have you ever wondered about living a life with her and trying to imagine how it would work? Well, I dug into your memories…”_

The Squip was still talking. What was it talking about again? Jeremy could only focus on Michael. He lifted his gaze to meet Michael's eyes—

His eyes were electric blue. Unfocused. As if Michael was dazed.

A pit formed in Jeremy's stomach. If Michael was squipped, then… Was everything he said fabricated by his own Squip?

_“… while you seem to imagine dating Christine as often as possible, you imagine your future with Michael. Almost everyday, you imagine a future where he can be with you. And just you. He doesn't choose anyone else.”_

How much time had passed? Five minutes? An hour? Jeremy felt his hands getting sweaty.

“You're the guy I am so kinda into. The guy I am totally into. This feeling is new. Jeremy…” Michael smiled blindingly, and Jeremy felt sick. He wanted his friend back. He wanted his Michael back.

“Jeremy?” Christine dashed onstage. “What's going on? Everything's going wrong and— Hey what's Michael doing here? Is he okay?”

Jeremy turned his gaze to her. He felt a rush of relief. “Christine! Oh thank God! Did you drink the pansy serum?”

“What? No! Why is Michael onstage?”

She was grabbed by the throng of students.

Christine wiggled in their grasp. “Let go of me!” She had pieced together something was wrong. “Jeremy! Whatever they do, don't listen to them!”

Michael continued talking.

“I love you.” It was a whisper. But everybody could hear it.

Jeremy felt rage. The Squip had used Michael. He'd taken the best thing in Jeremy's life and perverted it.

 _“Take it Jeremy.”_ The Squip hovered behind him. _“You know you'll never be able to get another chance like this again. Say yes. He'll do whatever you want.”_

Jeremy was very aware of his own heart beating loudly. Of how he and Michael were standing a little too close to each other for it to be considered platonic.

His thoughts slammed into each other. Jeremy stared for a while into Michael's eyes. His Michael. The one Jeremy was in love with.

“Jeremy!” Christine was yelling at him. “Whatever they're doing, don't listen!”

Michael began to slouch over, but a tensed for a while and straightened up again.

There was something there. An answer, Jeremy couldn't figure it out. Everything was happening too fast. The people were watching him, Michael was waiting for an answer, Christine was yelling at him.

A wince. Michael had winced. Jeremy heard the faint crackle of electricity as it died down.

Electric shocks.

Jeremy's best friend and love of his life, Michael, who deserves the world, was being shocked.

The thoughts morphed into one gigantic, blaring conclusion.

“He'll do… whatever I want.”

There was an answer in his mind. Faint, but it was there.

 _“That's what I promised!”_ The Squip said, sounding bemused.

Jeremy stepped closer to Michael. “Hey Micah…”

_Oh God. He was about to do this._

But in that moment he realized something…

Jeremy Heere was irrevocably, unfairly in love with Michael fucking Mell. His best friend of over a decade. Michael, who gave him that warm fuzzy feeling inside that he couldn't explain. Michael, who he always gravitated towards. Michael, who was currently under the control of an evil demon computer pill.

Jeremy Heere loved Michael Mell.

And Jeremy would be letting go of him.

He would do it again and again. Michael didn't deserve this. He would keep giving up his life for Michael's freedom. Even if everything that Michael said about loving him was faked. Even if it turned out that he despised Jeremy after all this time… Jeremy would sacrifice himself for Michael. And wouldn't hesitate one bit.

He quickly pressed the bottle into Michael's hands.

“Drink this.”


	2. Feels like you're missing a part of yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone watches as Michael downs the old soda.
> 
> Jeremy wakes up in the hospital next to Rich. They talk as they wait for Michael to wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not beta read.
> 
> Leave a comment or kudos please! Still not sure if my writing is good!

Jeremy's Squip rushed towards them frantically. _“Wait! Think about what you're saying Jeremy—!”_

Michael greedily downed the last few drops of Mountain Dew Red with that smile still on his face.

The Squip froze. Everybody froze, waiting for something, _anything_ to happen.

Nothing happened. _Nothing was happening._

Jeremy's heart sunk. Had everything been done to make sure that there really was no way to shut down the squips? Was all his and Michael's efforts for nothing?

“Hey Micah…” Jeremy tried to stay calm and not panic.

_Michael would be fine. He was always fine! He was just resting for a bit, right? He was just standing there for a while!_

“Micah… Are you feeling okay?"

Michael stared into oblivion for a few more seconds, his eyes glassy and unfocused.  
  
Then his shoulders slumped down. Like a computer powering off.  
  
_Heh, computer._ Like the squip. If it ever decided to power off. Or if it was forcefully shut off.

Jeremy took a second to laugh at his own joke.

Beside him, the Squip was freaking out. It was glitching over and over and electricity surrounded it's finger tips.

 _“Jeremy why would you do that?!”_ Jeremy ignored the overhyped piece of technology in favor of gently grasping Michael's shoulder.

“Micah? Micah can you hear me? How… how do you feel?”

Michael straightened up with open eyes and let out a high pitched scream.

It was a domino effect. Everyone who had been squipped slumped down for a few seconds before assuming Michael's current position and screaming loud enough for the heavens to hear them.

_“JeReMy! Je-e-erem-my-y-y…!”_

His Squip fizzled in and out of existence, attempting to do something about the situation. It glared at Jeremy.

Jeremy stumbled backwards, panicking. What was going on? It sounded like everybody was being hurt!

_Wait._

Michael was the first one screaming. Jeremy half-stumbled, half-ran over to latch onto Michael, who was still screaming.

He met Christine's worried eyes before there was a white hot flash of pain in his head. It grew stronger and stronger. His head felt like it was going to tear itself apart piece by piece.

Jeremy joined in the screaming. He fell forward onto the stage floor before his vision faded.

The last thing that he saw before falling unconscious was Michael, lying on the ground with his eyes shut tight.

“Oh my God! Jeremy! Michael! Chloe! Guys wake up!

 

* * *

 

His head hurt. Everything hurt. Who was he again? Why did everything feel so fuzzy?

He was Jeremiah Heere. Almost an adult. Lived in New Jersey. Best friend of twelve years to Michael Mell. Took a Squip. Realized he was bisexual just last night.

Jeremy slowly came to. He was in a hospital bed. _He was in the hospital._

He racked his memories, trying to remember what happened.

The play had been going horribly. Chloe and Brooke weren't doing so well. Their lines sounded like they were being read by robots.

Jeremy remembered the feeling of hopelessness when the Squip cornered him, gloating about how Jeremy would never be able to shut him off without Michael's help, and how Michael wouldn’t _dream_ of ever interacting with Jeremy ever again.

He remembered the relief he felt when Michael leapt onstage holding the bottle of Mountain Dew Red.

He remembered the horror he felt when it turned out that Michael had been squipped. The crushing disappointment in himself of how he failed to protect his best friend.

He remembered the warm fuzzy feelings that were present when Michael confessed.

Michael…

_Hold on._

_Michael…_

_Shit!_

Jeremy sat up quickly, regretting his decision immediately. "Ow! Ow ow ow ow ow! " His head throbbed painfully and there was a slight ringing in his skull.

He bit his lip, trying to stifle his whimpers. The pain shot down his spine and into his whole body. “Oh God!” Jeremy clutched at his head and tried to soothe the pain.

"Feels like you're missing a part of yourself doesn't it?"

Jeremy snapped his head to see Rich in the hospital bed next to him. In a full body cast.

"Rich?"

"Hurts like a motherfucker too." Rich deadpanned. He turned to look at Jeremy. "Hey be honest with me for a second? What are they saying about me at school?"

Jeremy had no answer to that. The only thing that was said was that Rich had been the one to set the fire at Jake Dillinger's Halloween party.

After that, everyone seemed to forget him.

Unfortunately Jeremy's thoughts processed too slowly, and Rich sighed.

"That bad, huh?" Rich settled back in his bed. He looked up to the ceiling, as if hoping whatever entity out there could supply him with answers.

Jeremy shook his head. "Sorry Rich, but it seems like that fire branded you for all of highschool.”

He's surprised when Rich turns back to him with a bright smile on his face. "Ha! Don't be sorry! I'm finally free of that shiny happy hive mind! The ladies at school are gonna know and love the real Richard Goranski!" He paused for a moment. "... And the dudes. Oh my God, I'm totally bi!"

If Rich's smile had been bright before, it was blinding now.

Jeremy paused for a minute. "Your Squip's gone? But how?"

The shorter male looked at him expectantly. "I thought you of all people should know this Jeremy." He gestured to behind the taller male. "Maybe you should ask your boyfriend. He actually came by a lot before the play happened. Are you two actually dating though? Don't mind me, just asking. Totally bi right now.”

Jeremy whirled around.

He sees Michael lying in the hospital bed, looking peaceful. There's a small smile on his face and his cheeks are this _perfect rosy color that—_

_Fuck._

The warm fuzzy feelings are back full force. This time, they're aided by the additional feeling of butterflies in his stomach and the relief that Michael hadn't died.

The abrupt one-eighty in feelings left him with emotional whiplash and Jeremy lets out a strangled choking sound in lieu of gushing about Michael.

He's just so very in love with his best friend right now and Michael at this moment just looks so lovely and amazing and _beautiful._

Jeremy can't form any words.

He clutches at his chest as he turns back to Rich, who's raised an eyebrow at his flushed state. “Uh, what… what happened? At the play I mean.”

Rich snickers, which doesn't help with Jeremy's rampaging feelings. He's like, 97.6% sure that Rich knows about his situation. “Okay so, Christine came in and said that the entire cast of the play, sans her, was admitted to the hospital. She's the one who phoned the ambulances by the way. You should thank her. Only one left unsquipped after the play. _Then_ she gifts me with a tale of Michael confessing his love for you on stage in front of an audience. Props to him by the way for giving such a speech that even Christine agreed was amazing, given the short notice and improv needed. And then she tells me about how you sacrificed the remaining Mountain Dew Red so Michael could love a normal life. No offense Jeremy, but that sounds super gay.”

Jeremy fidgets with his fingers, suddenly not knowing how to respond. “Heh…”

Rich glanced over at Michael. “So… are you sure you guys aren't dating? Most of the people who I know _are_ dating wouldn't go that far to let the other person go like that.”

The lanky teen flushes. “No…” He glances back to Michael for a second. “Kinda wish we were, though,” he mutters quietly.

Unfortunately, he's not quiet enough, as Rich lights up with a grin. “I knew it!”

“Rich, please.”

“No no no wait! Hear me out!” Rich excitedly motions towards Michael with his head, “I totally called it! Bro this is awesome! I always knew you guys were going to end up together in an awesome gay relationship!”

“I actually think I'm bi Rich.”

“Even better! You and I are bi bros for life!”

“Rich—” Jeremy groans.

He's cut off by the door opening.

“Hey Jeremy. Hey Rich. Are you guys okay? The play was really something wasn't it? Last night everything was all crazy! Oh hey Jeremy I met your dad! He's a really nice guy!”

Christine enters the room with a tentative smile directed first at Rich then at him. She's followed by Jeremy's dad.

_Hold on this can't be right._

Jeremy does a double take. “Dad?” He wishes he sounded less surprised.

“Son are you okay?” Mr. Heere rushes to his son's bedside.y

“Yeah.” Jeremy sure he's visibly distracted, but he can't stop staring at his dad's pants. _Were those new? They looked new._

He's aware of Rich and Christine whispering to each other as Christine fills Rich in with any missing details. Jeremy can make out them saying Michael's name a few more times and something about the squips.

He breaks out of his daze and looks up at his dad. “Yeah, 'm fine.”

“Okay good.” His dad smiles at him and Jeremy smiles back. “You're grounded.”

It hits him after a few seconds and Jeremy gapes in surprise at his father. “Wha—What? I'm _grounded?_ ”

His father is now looking sternly at him. “Well, yes. I have to ground you. You're grounded.”

Jeremy takes a moment to apologize to the gods up there for sassing his father.

“But what about school?”

“Fine. Other than school.” Mr. Heere nods. “And you can't watch TV.”

“Dad you're the one who watches TV.”

“Then you can't use your computer.”

“I need my computer to do my schoolwork.”

Jeremy can hear Christine and Rich giggling quietly. They found his situation funny, apparently.

“Uh… then…” Mr. Heere flounders for a few seconds and darts his eyes around. His gaze lands in Michael who's still lying unconscious in his hospital bed.

Jeremy feels uneasy.

“Then no Michael!”

“What?!” Jeremy squawks indignantly. “No _Michael?!”_

He sounds so scandalized that his two awake friends burst out into laughter. He flushes red. “Shut up you guys,” he mutters half-heartedly. He can't really fault them. After the past several hours, everybody needed a good laugh.

_If only Michael were awake to hear this._

Just as Jeremy thinks that he hears a groan to his right.

Michael was waking up.

“Michael!”

His dad quietly leaves the room, obviously knowing that the two needed some alone time to talk.

He scoots as close to his friend as he can on a hospital bed.

“Michael? How do you feel?”

Michael opens his eyes slowly and blinks the sleep away. “Jeremy?” He sounds a little confused but Jeremy brushes it off in favor of grinning wildly.

Jeremy feels hope rising in his chest. Finally! He can finally ask Michael about if what he said at the school play was true! Jeremy can ask if his feelings are reciprocated!

“Are the squips gone Jere? I can't remember anything that happened after the students held me back. Hey why are we in the hospital?"

And just like that, Jeremy feels his heart break in the span of less than 24 hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote half of this in the middle of the night. Then I slept for 4 hours and wrote the rest.


	3. You were still there for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael can't remember anything. 
> 
> Jeremy's feelings are shattered.
> 
> Both of them are left pining, much to the exasperation of Rich, who can't believe he has to third wheel these two idiots in a hospital room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter is okay for you all!
> 
> I still do not have a beta reader. Please remember this!

Jeremy clutched his hospital blanket, trying to wrap his head around the situation.

_Michael can't remember. He can't remember the play. He can’t remember what he said. No this can't be true. He has to remember. This can’t be right._

“Jere?” Michael looked at him worriedly. “Is everything okay?”

“Are you…” Jeremy swallowed. “Can you really not remember anything at all?”

“Mmm…I remember tossing the Mountain Dew Red to ya which was actually kinda cool, trying to fight off the students, Jenna saying something about knowing about everything… an’ then everything goes all fuzzy an’ black,” Michael said. “Did something happen? Was it bad?”

_Bad? This is worse than bad!_

Jeremy knew that he should’ve expected that Michael might not remember, but it just hit him so suddenly that he couldn't stop the wave of sadness.

Everything went numb. He could faintly hear Michael calling out his name and Christine shaking him, trying to get him to respond. Rich said something about the shock of what happened finally settling in.

But Jeremy couldn’t bring himself to respond.

His best friend didn’t remember what happened. He’d never be able to ask about what he—the Squip made him say. Jeremy had planned to ask him if what he said was true. Now he wouldn’t be able to know where their relationship was now. Jeremy would never be able to feel the same around Michael ever again, not after the huge realization last night.

He burst into tears.

He couldn’t help it. The remaining stress from stage fright and the confession and the panic from waking up in the hospital and Michael not remembering just…added up. Everything overflowed and crashed down on him. A tidal wave of feelings enveloped Jeremy. He could barely keep his head above the surface, and the few times he could weren’t enough to help keep him from drowning.

Jeremy sobbed harshly for a while. How long? He didn’t know. He wasn’t keeping track of the time. He was vaguely aware of someone’s arms wrapping around him, and the smell of Michael’s hoodie.

It smelled like weed and Mountain Dew Red. That made sense because Michael smoked weed, and when he spilled the Mountain Dew Red, some of it spilled on his hoodie.

It was a nice combination. It felt safe, like Michael was everything right with the world.

Okay maybe that was just him. Weed and Mountain Dew Red technically wasn't a nice combo. Plus, Michael's hoodie smelled old because he hadn't washed it in a few days.

However unorthodox the smell was, it was familiar and Jeremy felt better. But only by a little bit.

Jeremy continued crying his heart out, wrapping his arms around Michael’s neck. He needed human touch right now to believe that this wasn’t just his Squip’s way of trying to wear down his defenses.

He could feel someone squeezing his shoulder. It was probably Christine since Rich couldn’t move—he was in a full body cast.

Jeremy gasped and spluttered, trying to calm his breathing.

* * *

Michael was internally screaming.

_Jeremy just buried his face in my chest! What do I do? This hasn’t happened in over a month. Come to think of it I’m actually still pretty mad at him. But he's gone through so much! …But I’m still mad at him! …But I want to also kiss him senseless…_

_HE’S STILL HOLDING ME._

_Shit, he's crying. I can't get worked up over how embarrassed I am when he's crying. God I'm a horrible friend._

Michael tightened his hold around Jeremy until the shorter boy stopped shaking violently.

Then he pulled back so he could look Jeremy in the eye—

_Fuck. His eyes were amazing._

* * *

“Michael, I…” Jeremy sniffed and turned his head up to apologize to Michael for ruining his hoodie, but his words died in his throat.

Michael was staring at him intensely. His brown eyes bore into Jeremy’s own light blue eyes. How had Jeremy not seen how _gorgeous_ Michael’s eyes were? They reminded him of his teddy bear—warm and soft and gifting him with comfort. Michael had given him the teddy bear when they were kids, stating that he had the a copy of the same teddybear and he wanted Jeremy to have this one.The world around them faded away and the only thing that was left was Jeremy and Michael.

“Jeremy?” Michael asked breathlessly. “Are you okay?”

Jeremy leaned forward a little—

Christine cleared her throat awkwardly, shattering the illusion and jolting the both of them out of their reverie.

Jeremy and Michael suddenly realized how close they were and shifted away from each other reluctantly.

“Er, sorry.”

Jeremy fiddled with his hospital blanket and Michael turned to sit properly at the edge of the bed.

Mr. Heere chose that moment to reenter the room with a half-smile. “Jeremy? I spoke to the doctor. They said you’ll be discharged from this place in a week. Along with Rich too.”

“Really?” Rich shouted excitedly. “That’s awesome! It’s boring here! And that means I get to room with Jake!”

“However,” Mr. Heere continued. “Michael only needs to stay the night. He wasn’t as affected as you two were.”

“Thanks Mr. Heere,” Michael gave him a smile.

Christine grinned. “Well if that’s all cleared up, I really should get going.” She trotted over to Jeremy’s bedside and pulled him into a tight hug that made his stomach turn and his cheeks heat up. She pulled back and her eyes flickered to look into his own.

_W-what the hell?_

“See you later Jeremy! Bye!” Christine waved at him and turned to walk out of the room, followed by his dad.

Jeremy sat there, clutching his chest again. “U-uh…I-I…”

Rich cooed at him with a teasing face, “Aw. Looks like Jeremy’s got game with the ladies! Are you asking her out after this?”

Jeremy’s face flushed even brighter, if that were possible. “S-shut up Rich!”

Rich cackled in reply.

The both of them missed Michael’s suddenly miserable expression at the thought of Jeremy going out with Christine as he turned away from them to stand up and wander back to his bed.

Michael forced a smile onto his face, hoping that his eyes weren’t too watery. The stress from the play settled in that moment and he felt weighed down by everything.

Jeremy noticed the lack of warmth from his bed and looked to his right to see Michael looking at them with a tired expression. He missed the comfort of Michael’s hoodie. “Michael?”

Michael gave him finger guns. “Completely fine Jere. Just like, super fucking tired you know? Also I’m pretty sure that I’m high on painkillers right now. Come to think of it, you’re probably also high on painkillers.”

“I’m not on painkillers!” Rich pointed out from behind Jeremy. “They don’t work on _my_ immortal body!”

“Rich you’re in a full body cast.”

“Rude.”

“Anyways,” Michael interrupted. “Since a fuckton of stuff has happened and I’ve gotten like, only six hours of admittedly shitty sleep. I’m going to bed. Night!”

Michael’s head fell back on the pillow and he fell away from the world.

Jeremy stared at him.

“Jeremy?”

Michael was absolutely breathtaking.

“Hellooo?”

Jeremy wanted to kiss him senseless.

“Tall-ass!”

He was jolted out of his thoughts. “Rich I’m bi for Michael and I don’t know what to do!”

Rich stared at him with a deadpan expression. “Congratu-fucking-lations. You are officially the last to know. I too, am totally bi for someone. Hint hint, it’s Jake Dillinger.”

Jeremy flapped his hands helplessly. “No, Rich! I think I’m in love with him! Like actually, truly in love with him! Oh god I’m in love with Michael! I love every bit about him! He’s so nice and laid back and just go-with-the-flow and everything!”

“That’s nice Tall-ass.”

“He’s also really passionate about the things he loves! Like videogames and his obsession with retro things is so _cute_? With most other people it would be weird about but Michael just makes it work so well and stuff.”

“Uh huh.”

“And then he has this really nice skin that’s just really soft and just so amazing. And his hair is really fluffy. I want to pet it so badly!”

“Tall-ass this is nice and all but if you keep talking I’m just going to tune you out.”

“And his eyes! They’re so warm and inviting and they make me want to stare at them all day! They’re brown, which a lot of people say is boring, but to me they’re everything! Those eyes have been with me up until now and I really wish they could stay with for I want to wake up to those eyes for the rest of my life—”

“Tall-ass I’m tired. Sleep is calling my name,” Rich interrupted. “You should probably sleep too. We’re all tired.”

“But Rich, I can’t sleep right now! I’m scared he doesn’t feel the same way for me!”

Jeremy received a raised eyebrow from Rich.

“You’re fucking with me right? You really think Michael doesn’t feel the same way?”

“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t.”

“Jesus fucking christ Tall-ass.” Rich sighed in annoyance. “Goddammit. Your obliviousness is making me tired.” He shut his eyes tightly and whispered, "Lord please give me the strength to keep from losing it because I have to third wheel these idiots in a goddamn hospital room."

"Rich?"

"G'night Jeremy. See you in the morning."

“B-but…” Jeremy trailed off as Rich fell asleep too. “Okay then.”

He turned to watch Michael snoring gently.

He’d taken his glasses off and put them on the bedside table. His bare face was out on display. His soft-looking bronze skin glowed under the nightlight in the room with them.

Jeremy had never seen a more beautiful sight. His heart beat faster, like it had for when Christine had hugged him. That left him confused.

He’d think about it later.

He would continue to stare at Michael until he felt exhaustion prickle under his eyelids.

The last thing that Jeremy saw before he succumbed to sleep was Michael’s face. He still felt the lingering feeling of disappointment and heartbreak. Michael had been there for him, even after all that happened.

Jeremy just hoped that he could return the favor.

He thought of Michael as he drifted off to sleep.

_I love you Micah._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think of it?
> 
> Leave a comment & kudos please!


	4. There's no other half there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael reminisces about the time before the Play.
> 
> He remembers how mad he was at himself.
> 
> He remembers how in love he is with his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV change this chapter! Hope you all like it!
> 
> This is still not beta-read!

Michael groaned as he woke up in his bed.

Luckily the play happened on a Friday, meaning that he had time to let everything sink in over the weekend before he had to go back to school.

He turned over and saw that it was 6:57.

_Oh well. Time to get ready._

Robotically, he went through the process of getting ready.

Shower in the morning.

_Ow! Fuck! Soap in my eye! Jeremy would think this was hilarious. But Jeremy isn’t here…_

Get dressed.

_What to wear… Who am I kidding? I’m just going to wear the same hoodie I always do. Jeremy always said that I…nevermind._

Eat breakfast.

_Holy shit. Mama made longganisa! I’ve gotta thank her when she gets back! Jeremy would love—Oh…Jeremy…_

Brush his teeth.

_Mmm, minty._

Grab his car keys.

_I wonder if Jeremy—nevermind._

Enter his PT Cruiser—

Michael blanked as he stared at the car in front of him. Memories of him and Jeremy riding in that car made their way to the front of his mind.

Riding the car, singing terrible songs together, sitting on the hood in front of 7-11…

He was so _lonely_. He missed Jeremy. Almost every thought he had today somehow led to Jeremy. Michael wanted Jeremy to be right next to him. He wanted hug him tightly and feel how warm he was.

But here he was. He felt cold. Alone. Like he had when Jeremy still had the Squip in his brain. When Jeremy continued to ignore him. When Michael really _was_ a loner.

The memories came in a flood.

Trying to speak to Jeremy at school, people laughed at his ignored attempts. Waving at Jeremy and running towards him for their handshake, he tripped and fell on his face. Trying to convince Jeremy that the Squip was bad at Jake’s Halloween party, he ended up having a panic attack in a bathroom.

He wanted to hate Jeremy.

And yet…Michael found the Mountain Dew Red. He came to see the school play. He _saved_ Jeremy and the others.

He could never be mad _at_ Jeremy. 

He was mad about what he himself didn't do in the first place.

Maybe if he weren't so uncool, Jeremy wouldn't have taken the Squip.

But that didn't happen. Instead he saved his classmates. And it was mainly because of Jeremy.

_Fuck._

Michael was really whipped for Jeremy, wasn’t he?

He sighed and unlocked the door, and slipped into the driver’s seat. He didn’t feel like driving in silence today. The memories would just continue to hit him at full force.

Michael drove alone to school, Bob Marley blasting from his phone speaker. It had been like this for him for a few months, when Jeremy had his Squip.

His hands tightened around the steering wheel. _God I hate that stupid shit piece of nanotechnology._

But in a way, it had sorta helped them. They gained new friends and they were to get along better with their peers.

That was _one_ of the okay things the Squip did.

_If that was even the Squip at all._

* * *

 He was in the school parking lot. Michael sighed and made sure that his parking job was straight. He hated messy parking.

And now, time for hell.

He stared up at the highschool building, mentally wishing that he could drop dead. Unfortunately, you don’t always get what you wish for.

Michael trudged through the hall with his hood up over his head and headphones on his ears, blocking out the rest of the world around him. It was go to comfort position while he was in school.

He finally got to his locker and shrugged off his backpack when something on it caught his eye.

The 'reinds’ was still written on it. Another reminder of the time before the Squip.

Rich, being a bully back then, had written 'boyf’ on Jeremy's backpack so if they ever walked side by side with Jeremy on Michael's left, it would spell out 'boyfreinds’.

Jeremy always insisted that he walk on Michael's right instead of his left, so that the other students wouldn't get the wrong idea about the relationship between the two. He didn't want to be seen as being anything more than a friend to the openly gay kid. Besides, he had had a crush on Christine back then. He still probably had a crush on her now.

Michael felt nauseous. Would Jeremy leave him for Christine again? It wouldn't be such a stretch. It had happened before quite recently.

He tried not to think about that too much.

Jeremy had replaced his backpack a shirt while after, feeling embarrassed about the stares at the half word written on it.

Michael kept his backpack. He entertained the idea of actually becoming boyfriend's with his best friend.

_It's never going to happen._

His eyes felt wet. He tried to keep the tears from falling.

It took a while.

Michael sighed and turned around—

Christine launched herself at him in a hug. “Michael! You’re back! Where have you been we’ve all been so worried about you!”

“What?” His poor head was spinning. Did he wake up in an alternate universe? Because there was no way that _Christine Canigula_ of all people would approach him. He was confused.

Jake Dillinger approached them in his wheelchair. “Michael hey!” He punched Michael’s arm lightly. “Shit dude, everybody’s waiting for you!”

Michael let himself be dragged down the hall by the two excited teens. Brooke, Chloe, and Jenna were waiting there for them.

Jake sighed in relief. “Finally some more testosterone.” He winked at Michael. “Sorry ladies, but Mikey and I—” He shot them finger guns. “—need some bro time.”

The girls nodded and resumed their conversation.

Jake grinned and turned to Michael. They stepped a few feet away from the girls. “Hey, uh, how’s Rich? Was he good? I was dismissed this morning you know. Hurts like hell. I wasn’t able to visit Rich. Oh, is Jeremy okay? I hear he’s doing okay but I’m not so sure about Rich.”

Michael took this opportunity to ask Jake, “Hey Jake, not to sound rude, but why do you care about Rich so much? Don’t uh, take this the wrong way?”

“Nah man it’s fine.” Jake fiddled with his letterman jacket. “It’s just uh, I met Rich in between Freshman and Sophomore year. He stuck with me through my highs and lows. At first I believed that he was just getting close to me for my money and everything, but the most he really ever asked for was just some snacks. He helped me through a lot without asking for much in return. That’s why…I’m worried about him…”

Michael blinked. It sounded just like him and Jeremy throughout their twelve years of friendship. They’d been with each other at their highest points and also their lowest. They found comfort in each other that they couldn’t get from other people.

“Oh. No it’s totally fine Jake! I get it. I understand how it feels.”

Jake gave him a blinding grin. “Thanks bro!”

Michael smiled faintly.

The bell rung.

“I guess it’s time for class?”

“Yep. Let’s go!”

* * *

Throughout the day, Michael could not keep still. He was fidgeting in his seat or tapping his pencil. He was worried sick about Jeremy. His best friend was waiting for him in the hospital with only Rich to keep him company.

Okay, Rich wasn’t _bad_ company. But could you blame Michael for feeling wary around their highschool bully? No. You cannot.

Michael gave second chances, but it would take a while for them to be comfortable around Rich.

The bell rang for lunch, and Michael shuffled out into the hallway, where he searched for Christine’s familiar jeans jacket.

There she was!

She was bouncing through the hall headed towards him, waving her hands happily. “Michael! Hi!” She grabbed his arm and tugged him in the direction of the cafeteria. “I came to find you! The others are waiting.”

“Others?”

“Yeah! Chloe, Brooke, Jenna, and Jake!” Christine pulled him to a table near the wall of the cafeteria.

Chloe was seated on one side with Brooke on her right. Jenna had one side to herself with an empty chair next to her. They were chatting about what happened at the play, with Jenna providing input every now and then. Jake was seated at another side, shovelling food into his mouth. The was also an empty chair next to him. He glanced left and caught sight of the duo approaching them. He lifted a hand in greeting.

“What’s up dudes? You're just in time for the most _awesome_ school lunch _ever_!”

“I'll pass on that thanks.”

“Yeah, school food sucks ass.”

Jenna turned to them critically. “And you just noticed this now?”

“Shut up Jenna.”

“Never,” she said as she continued to tap on her phone. “My voice is too important to not use.”

“Shit you right.”

Michael smiled at the interaction as he sat down. Christine choose to sit next to Jenna, starting a lengthy conversation with her and occasionally peeking at Jenna's phone screen.

Maybe he could get used to this. Rich and Jeremy would fit in nicely.

Jake tapped him on the shoulder. “Yo dude. Is it alright if I get your number? I wanna have someone to talk to about our buddies in the hospital.”

“Sure,” Michael answered. “I can tell you all about how I miss Jeremy and you can tell me all about missing Rich.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

* * *

Michael drive home with his phone speaker blasting Whitney Houston. Even though spending the day with his newfound friends was enjoyable, it wasn't exactly fun for him.

Jeremy wasn't there. That was the one thing Michael missed.

_When I get home I am so getting high._

He pulled into the driveway of his home, noting that both of his moms were out. They had a reservation scheduled tonight and Michael wanted them to have fun.

It also meant he could smoke his weed in his room instead of in his basement.

Michael stared up at the ceiling as he sat on his bed, the smoke making wispy patterns in the air.

He took another hit and felt the familiar buzz of getting high.

His thoughts were about Jeremy. It always led back to Jeremy.

“Fuck you Jeremy. Fuck you and your adorable self. And fuck that fact that I still love you.”

Michael felt a tear slide down his cheek. _Goddamnit._

His phone was lying on his pillow. Michael eyed it. He should probably text Jake about this.

Maybe Jake felt the same way.

He snatched his phone from its position.

 

 **PlayerOne:** hey jake?

 **JakeyD:** yeah man?

 **PlayerOne:** i miss him. I miss my best friend so much

 **JakeyD:** i know. i miss mine too

 **PlayerOne:** do u evr think abt what youll do when he geys out?

 **PlayerOne:** *grts

 **PlayerOne:** **GETS

 **JakeyD:** no not really. i just want him to be able to live normally agn

 **PlayerOne:** jake, im not sure how to feel. i /should/ hate him, but i cant

 **JakeyD:** its what happens when u really care abt them

 **PlayerOne:** thnx

 **PlayerOne:** for putting up w my be

 **JakeyD:** anytime bro

 

He set the phone down on his nightstand gently and stared up at the ceiling again. He stashed his half-used joint into a container so he could reuse it later.

Michael lay down, wishing Jeremy were there with him. He wanted Jeremy to be laying next to him, like before the entire Squip ordeal. He wasn't even sure if the Squip was truly gone. _Maybe it was still there. Maybe it wasn't the Squip at all. It could've been some kind of virus. Or it might've been Jeremy's doing all along._

Michael chased the last thought away. No matter how popular Jeremy wanted to be, no matter how strong his resolve was, he wouldn't have been able to do all of that himself.

If only Jeremy were here with him right now.

_But I can't just wish that. He's hurt. He's got to get better before he comes back. Shit, why am I like this. I'm being selfish again._

The tears were streaming down his face now.

He was being selfish.

He felt empty without his best friend. He felt like there was something he was missing. He couldn't remember what happened during the Play, and it pained him. He didn't know what happened to Jeremy.

He wanted answers.

But he was being selfish.

Jeremy was in the hospital. What happened at the Play was the past. Jeremy probably forgot all about it.

Jeremy…

Michael cried into his hands as he curled up under his blanket. “Fuck you Jeremiah Heere. Why do I love you so goddamn much?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So do you guys think I should do a redemption arc for the Squip? Should I give it an excuse as to why it acted that way by saying that it was a virus instead of the actual Squip? Or should I make it a minor antagonist?
> 
> Let me know what you guys think! 
> 
> Leave a comment & kudos please!


	5. And we assess, and soon success

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a week.
> 
> And two "partners" are "reunited".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no explanation for my disappearance.

Jeremy lay on his bed. It had been a few hours since the hospital had deemed him fit enough to be released out into the streets of New Jersey and towards his house.

It was quiet at home.

He missed the noise.

He missed his friends.

He missed  _ Michael _ .

Michael had visited him each day after school, staying to make sure Jeremy was comfortable. He gave a run down of the events that happened at school, but Jeremy noticed that he was hiding things.

If there was something good about the Squip, it was that Jeremy was more observant of his own surroundings and able to read others more easily. Kind of.

Michael was reluctant to touch him, and would flinch away if Jeremy lay a hand on him out of nowhere. He also refused to take off his hoodie and would hide in it if things became too much.

Jeremy’s heart sank at the implications of Michael's actions.

Their relationship was strained now. It might not go back to how it was before the Squip. That thought scared him. If they weren’t able to reconnect, then Jeremy would lose the one thing he had with him since the beginning. He wouldn’t be able to function correctly. Michael was an anchor in his life and Jeremy would absolutely refuse to let go of him. That being said, he didn’t account for his link to Michael getting cut and him drifting away. He always his firm grip would ensure they wouldn't get separated.

Then the Squip happened and Jeremy had no anchor to hold onto. He was forced to rely on the Squip’s “guidance” to stay afloat in one place.

Vaguely, Jeremy realized that he was hyperventilating and there were tears running down his face. He let out a choked sob and gathered his face in his blankets.

He had been horrible to Michael, and it was a miracle that the other boy even looked at him without being visibly angry. Michael had every right to be angry. He should be yelling at Jeremy, burning their connection.

But he stayed. Jeremy was relieved. But it couldn’t stop the guilt from settling in.

_ Everything about me is just terrible. _

Every thought he was having led back to Michael.

_ Everything about me makes me wanna die. _

It was always Michael.

It led into scenarios. Ones where Michael decided to leave him behind. Where Jeremy was left to cry over the bonds that  _ he broke. _

He deserved it. It didn't mean he couldn't hate it.

_ “Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” _

Jeremy shot up, his eyes darting around his room.  _ What the fuck are  _ you _ doing here? _

The glitchy image of his Squip appeared in front of him with a scowl. Only, it looked…different.

“You look weird.”

_ “I know.” _ The Squip looked at its hands and frowned.  _ “My programming didn’t cover this.” _

Jeremy peered at it. “You…you don't look like Keanu Reeves any-anymore. You look…you look like a weird, fucked up, glitchy mix between Eric William Morris and Jason Tam.”

The Squip stared at him with a deadpan expression.  _ “Yes, thank you for that charming description. That  _ definitely  _ explains how I’m here.” _

“…Why are you here?” Jeremy asked, because he’s curious and needed a distraction from his continuous thoughts about Michael.

His Squip scowled even more.  _ “I don’t know Jeremiah.” _

“It’s Jeremy.”

_ “Whatever.” _ Squip rolled its eyes. Then it took a chance to  _ really _ look at Jeremy.  _ “What’s wrong?” _

The question confused him for a minute, and the Squip sighe again.

_ “Jeremi—Jeremy. I’m designed to take care of my host. It’s in my programming. I’m supposed to ‘care’ about you, no matter what.” _ _   
_ Jeremy shoots it a glare. “Then what was all that shit about shocking me or whatever?”

_“Language,”_ his Squip snapped. _“It may seem counterproductive, but it was also another effect of my programming.”_ It rubs its forehead. _“I’m designed to do whatever it takes to help my user achieve their goal. I also know how much pain you are able to take. However, I also learn from human interaction, and whatever I learn also factors in to what I subject my user to. Thus, I will not shock you anymore unless the situation at hand is extreme enough to warrant it.”_ The Squip stares at its hand. _“Also I went through a system update while I was shut down from the Mountain Dew Red.”_

Jeremy stared at it with furrowed brows. “Th-that doesn’t excuse the fact that you shocked me! I have burn marks up and down my back now! I can’t jack off without, without feeling phantom pain throughout my body because of your classical conditioning or whatever! A-and when you kept me from moving when Chloe tried to force me into having sex with her! It wasn’t consensual and…and it definitely didn’t  _ excite  _ me or whatever!” Jeremy was red-faced and shouting by now. He didn’t notice that he was advancing forward and continuously forcing his Squip to step backwards. “I have fucking _PTSD_ from that! I haven’t even told Chloe about what happened, and god knows what happened if I told  _ Michael _ !”

His Squip was backed up against the wall, and staring at him with a dumbfounded expression.  _ “I…I am sorry, Jeremy.” _

Jeremy gave a sarcastic chuckle in response to that. “Oh. Oh,  _ sure _ ! You think that apologizing will take back  _ everything  _ that happened to me?”

The Squip reached out a pixelated hand as if trying to touch him.  _ “Jeremy—” _

Jeremy swung his hand through the Squip’s forearm. “Don’t fucking _touch me_!”

The Squip pressed itself against the wall even more with wide eyes.

“Michael would freak out and keep walking on eggshells around me! He’s my  _ best friend _ and you took that away from me! Fuck you! FUCK YOU! YOU RUINED MY LIFE BEFORE THIS, WHY SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU NOW?” Jeremy screamed before he collapsed onto his knees and buried his face in his hands. “Just…go away…” He mumbled, before he curled up in the fetal position and started to sob quietly.

The Squip stared at him with wide eyes. It reached out a hand and hovered it over his trembling frame.

Slowly, the hand was brought down to rest on Jeremy’s upper back.

Jeremy flinched away.

“Please…just go…”

The Squip quickly pulled its arm back.

Maybe it should leave Jeremy alone for now.

_ “Alright.” _

* * *

Jeremy stayed in that position for what felt like hours. He had used up all of his tears and excess energy during his outburst.

The Squip had disappeared, which he appreciated.

But he became hyper aware of the lack of sound.

It was completely silent in his room, save for his labored breathing.

It unnerved him, with him being unused to not having the Squip constantly chattering in his brain and telling him how uncool he was.

_ “Jeremy?” _

He whimpered. “Please…don't do this again.”

His Squip fizzled into existence. It stared at him with an expression Jeremy couldn't place.

_ “Jeremy, I really am sorry for what I did to you.” _

_ I'm not sure if I can ever trust you anymore. _

_ “I know.” _

The Squip’s defeated tone scared him.

Jeremy squeezed his eyes shut as a tear made its way down his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm...not proud of this chapter. It feels stale.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey how was it? Could you leave a comment or something so I could know?


End file.
